Our first royal story tonight involves the late Queen Elizabeth, the Queen Mother.
During her final years, Elizabeth watched a lot of television. One of her favorite shows was Da Ali G. Show, from Sacha Baron Cohen. Only the first season aired before her death, but she really got into it.
Da Ali G. Show was where Cohen first debuted his characters Borat and Bruno, both of whom later went on to star in their own blockbuster films.
Elizabeth's favorite was the title character, Ali G., who was meant to be a suburban White guy obsessed with rap and hip-hop culture who claimed to be black and used outdated hip-hop slang terms. Elizabeth, then 100, thought Ali G.'s antics of tricking public figures into humiliating themselves were really amusing. She also loved his catch phrases and mannerisms.
One Christmas, she regaled her family with her Ali G. impersonation, after being egged on my her great-grandchildren. She even attempted his famous fake "accent" and repeatedly clicked her fingers (Ali's trademark) and told her family "Respec'!" before telling them "Any good parties, invite me down!"
Oh, and Jimmy Carter onced kissed her on the lips. She was not amused.
Our next story involves an even more badass old lady, also a Queen, and also named Elizabeth.
In December 1597, Elizabeth, then 64, met with her French ambassador.
She was attired in an ornate silver, red, and white gown. There was just one little issue; the entire front of it was open. So you could see "the whole of her bosom" as the ambassador himself put it.
" Her bosom is somewhat wrinkled as well as one can see for the collar that she wears round her neck, but lower down her flesh is exceeding white and delicate, so far as one could see."
-Andre Hurault, the French Ambassador
Elizabeth Tudor was a badass until the end. Furthermore, she kept opening the front as if she was hot, just to make sure he got a peak. Or maybe she just didn't care what he saw; she was the Queen after all and he was just some French guy.
She did make sure she had a wig with gold and silver spangles and pearls on before she would see him, though. How Gaga of her.
Our next story involves Edward VII, and his mistress Alice Keppel. Alice was one of several mistresses Edward had, but in his later years she was the favorite.
Once, at a formal dinner party, a Hungarian Countess was making small talk with the man seated at her right.
"Oh, how is your name pronounced?" She asked him.
"Kep-el." He said.
"How strange! You have the same name as the king's mistress!"
The unfortunate dinner guest was Alice's husband.
Fun fact: Alice's great-granddaughter was Camilla Shand, mistress and later wife to Prince Charles.
Here is a great story, likely a myth, that was most famously spread in regards to the not-yet-King Edward VII and Lillie Langtry, one of his mistresses and a famous actress. It has also been spread about other 19th and 20th century royal couples, which is why I question its accuracy. Still pretty amusing, though.
A prominent British newspaper had a box for announcements at the top of their front page. One week, they had printed alone in the box one sentance.
"There is nothing whatsoever between the Prince of Wales and Mrs. Langtry."
Readers were perplexed by the blatent denial; the papers ususally liked to have a bit of fun with their heir. But careful readers noticed exactly one week later in the same spot of the same paper, was another brief message.
"Not even a sheet."
George III is known for two things: being mad and losing the American colonies. This story is about the former.
King George was once riding in his carriage through Windsor Great Park and he suddenly ordered his driver to stop. The driver obliged him, and George got out and went over to an oak tree and put out his hand and shook one of its branches. The driver watched on amazed for several minutes while George talked to the tree and carried on a conversation. When he was done, George got back into the carriage. The Driver looked over at him, confused.
Turns out George thought the tree was the King of Prussia.
Naturally, if you ask Prince Charles (George's biggest fanboy) about that story, he'll say it didn't happen. But what fun is he?
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